I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
