so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
