Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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