Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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