Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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