Already got asked if we're dating
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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