Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
