Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
