I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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