That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
