A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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