bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
