I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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