I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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