how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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