i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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