I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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