why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
