i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize