It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
