dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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