My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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