The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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