I want to stick my p in your. b.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i barfeds in our rink
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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