And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think my moral compass just broke
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
