I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
