i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The Olympian is in my bed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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