And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
