i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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