You work out of a Hotel?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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