Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
