I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
