i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
