The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
