Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize