I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Im part way to drunk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize