Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
