You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
