She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
