Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
