Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
