A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
