You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My nipple is on Facebook.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
