If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
