I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
