I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
