batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
