I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
