she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
