After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
