woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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