How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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