I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize