youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
