GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
