i jhust puked up my retainher.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize