I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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