Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
