in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize