how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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