Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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