wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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