Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
